innocence .

I've been there and back. There and back again. I can see what normal mortals cannot. I can understand, perceive and even predict with uncanny accuracy.
Others cannot even begin to imagine to possess my abilities.

-An exaggerated albeit true depiction of your egoist-next-door.

Intelligence means different things to many different people. Correction - intelligence probably only means one thing to many different people, even if that "thing" can be different. Some people value the term and the people that possess it by the amount of information he/she can store, while others see it as the wit, quickness and ability to solve.. whatever.

Whatever is right. I can come up with a list of "intelligent traits" and it still isn't exhaustive. So - whatever.

I know of someone who thinks he's real smart. Really, really smart. Big ego to go with it too. He reacts quickly to situations, grasps concepts really fast - mostly to do with speed. Yet, his general knowledge sucks balls.

I know of another who's really good at history, literature and the all the arts. Two levels above "practical", if I were to measure it. And yet, he sucks at math, science and hates such subjects to their core. Physics? BLEH.

And another who sleeps during lessons, doesn't study but scores for his examinations. The "top of the school" type of scores. But no, he can't learn the basic of basketball plays to save his life.

And then there's always the Sheldon Cooper of the block, the one with a sky-high IQ and the social ineptitude of a dead dog.

Are they intelligent?
I don't have a damn answer - that's why I'm asking you. If anything, they certainly aren't stupid.

So fuck this shit, alright? It's all that bloody matters - that you are a normal human being who eats, shits, sleeps and breathes like everyone else. Don't gloat over your supposed intelligence, because some other random dude out there probably thinks you're fucking stupid. Or at least, you're not that smart.

Where does that leave us?
Go get rich, motherfucker.

We've all gotten lost in the how that we ignore the very fundamental that is the why...

Why is it such a pain to be different?
Why do we struggle?

I'm just doing what others who came before me have already done. Glorified repetition, if you will.
Is it such a necessity? To obtain the very assurance that your identity is truly yours and yours to behold?

Questions, so many questions... With no useful answers. Bah! What do we get in return? Just an array of opinions and half-hearted statements that don't mean shit. That's social science for you. And yet.. why?

Does it really matter? It does, doesn't it? To you, at least. Just so long as you have your own fun. Your own satisfaction, needs met, desire gets. What do we do after? We die. Wither away we shall. Time waits for no man, certainly not you.. YOU! You seek happiness from longevity, just as Snow White sought as she rode with Prince Charming. You do not know where she's going, and yet you know - or want to know - that she has sought and found happiness. Happiness that lasts forever after.

But you don't find it. No.. You get half the bargain, you get the forever after. Human consciousness is a terrible thing. It's your friendly neighbourhood trickster, deceiver. It slumps in your chair as you do now, weeping for your sorry self - a failure. A waste of space. You do not recognize this - you are not your own mirror. You look into that your own reflection. Those eyes.. they never go away. You see what they see, and they see you.

What shall you live for? What drives you? Questions.. or answers? Or something vastly different?

YOU!

You're the one that's different. You see the world through your eyes, and no other. You see red, tea, chloroform and love. Yes.. love. What does your mind desire more than anything? Acceptance. When you do not get, you hate. You seek to change all that you gripe, all that you seek unabashedly that you ignore yourself. Why? It's because you're different.

Pride cometh before the fall. Live.. live for romance. Live, for you know nothing but death awaits you at the end of your journey, your adventure. Live for life! These are the things that you live for. Even a miserable failure like you has hope after all.

Sadly, you'll forget. That is what you do. The things we cannot see we perceive not to exist. The mind is ultimately separate from reality, independent from what anyone observes. You do not care for anyone other than yourself. You give in to your own selfish pride. Your ego. Refusal to change, admittedly to stick to a routine spice. Bleh.

And you ask why? I gave you my answer.
You forget.

You know how sometimes people say that actions always speak louder than words? These people.. they could never be more wrong.

Occasionally, there comes a point in one's life when he realizes something, a brief yet deep moment of enlightenment if you would. It can be of anything, or anyone. Sad to say, not many do. In such a sheltered first-world-esque society we grow up in, we certainly do not have many chances to reflect on our lives, identify our flaws, much less change our ways. For those fortunate few who do, I have envied you. No longer. I have been a disappointment of sorts. A man akin to a bomb with a long timer, and a short fuse. My temper has never been in check - has never needed to be in check. It is my flaw. My juvenile and immature reflex actions do not care for those around me as they should. Yet, when the storm has died down... I left nothing but disappointment and shock in my wake.

I express myself further, and yet no one finds appeasement.
I did not intend.. My actions.. I did not mean..
Or maybe I did, though it was only at the time.

Oh what power words possess. It can make or break a person, as it broke me. It can amend things time cannot, as we've attempted to. Nothing will be the same again, but only because bonds were strengthened. A reinforcement over the previous. Reciprocation is another matter. A secondary matter. I care only for what I mean to say, and I've said it. It takes alot to mean what you say, and say what you mean.
Sticks and stones may break bones, but words will never hurt? Horseshit.

ascorbic acid

However true the adage "you are not your own mirror" is, all of us have had some point in our lives where we assess ourself, either through action or inaction, consciously or subconsciously. While I do note that judging others openly can be a very disturbing and not the most appropriate of methods and thus relatively uncommon, sizing oneself up isn't.

I wished I had a notebook with me. It isn't a difficult task, and neither is writing this post. Still, if I had one, I would jot notes. Notes consisting of thoughts thought up at that moment, thoughts which I would like to share.

Firstly, regarding myself, I've come to realize that my intense lack of concentration, or perhaps the inability to maintain an attention span longer than my wing. If I had the aforementioned notebook, I would have noted: short attention span. work on it, focus (in small letters, of course.)

Secondly, I would.. oh shucks, I had it! This is the exact thing I wish to avoid. Forgetting things.
Oh, there we go. I remember. Discipline. Discipline to see things through, such as regular posts on this blog or finishing them when I promised myself to. While such a fault may stem from my first point... it does, doesn't it?

Thirdly, I'd like to point out that

I've blocked out the horrifics that blotted the landscape of my mind past.
Subconsciously, of course.

It is hard for me to recall anything of remote importance during my secondary school years, and even harder to pick out the points in time where I was truly satisfied. Did I, unknowingly, bar them from surfacing ever again just because I would remember the bad times as well? Did I, again unknowingly, choose to forget what had occurred within those four walls?

Those four walls. Stone, grey walls.
Melancholy and grime. Destined, never fine
Perennial, the stone grey walls.

On an unrelated note: The fuck man. Stop putting cryptic messages in italics you wannabe a cool mini celebrity so I won't be an insignificant generic boring human like the rest of us dogface. EVERYONE FUCKING GETS IT. EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT YOU ARE TRYING SAY.

What, it makes you special? It makes you feel important? Guess what. Your blog is so god damned insignificant it's so improbable that a stranger will read it anyway. The only people reading (and frequenting) your blog are the people you already know, and they probably understand the damned italics already.

So stop wishing you can be your own Dawn Yang or Xia Xue or whatever the fuck celeb blogger you're trying to be. Or yourself, for that matter. (ie boomz I am me!)

And come on, italics AND a small font? The fuck? I CAN STILL READ IT MAN. Even if I can't, I can just RIGHT CLICK and ZOOM. Disabled the right click? L2ctrl+mousewheel. This italic + small alphabet dogshit has been so overused it's not even dramatic anymore.

God.

Mediocre Irony.

Individualistic desires - Harmen - Blue recyckos - Tomorrow is - MAD - Urban Renewal - Yellow and Red Transparencies - ICE - Blue-green birthdays - I had it coming - Warpath to redemption - wishes came true - FAs

Emotions ebb and flow, that's a fact. However, it has never ebbed this far or flowed this high in me. I have just been through a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but maybe it is just because I haven't felt this way in a long time. Too long.

I have just watched Up by Pixar.

For all those who doubt the movie, I have only one word.
Magical. Simply magical.

If you considered WALL-E to be unconventional, you would immediately think this movie be controversial. (lulkiddyshitcartoonwhatever) By no means does this make the film childish (for those who attribute cartoons and animated films to this, you are and will be sorely mistaken). Animated films have long transcended that description. (note: again, if you still think this way, you're limited. Just pure limited.) This animated feature in particular will certainly take your imagination on a wild ride. I apologize if I cannot appropriately describe the film aesthetically, because I simply cannot. Such things aren't yet to be quantified, but only maybe because they never will be.

I cannot tell you what this movie is, but I can certainly tell you what this movie is not, and childish is definitely one of them. I could go on for paragraphs and paragraphs, but I'll save you the time - time better spent watching "Up" right now.

However, I do agree that all this unadultered praise cannot go untreated. An opinion is, after all, just an opinion. It embodies the subjectivity of the content matter at hand and by doing so, conveys what we "feel" best. In fact, I completely understand the negativity of the reactions that come with watching an animated feature. The things that happen are unreal, a dream, something that will never happen and even if it does, that just makes it an exception. Ian enlightened me on this matter. He did not like it, that's for sure. I cannot blame him. A realist forced (more on this tomorrow. I really need to get something out of my system.) to experience something that just would not happen. He grew out of it, he says. For a moment, I understood him. I recognized that there were alot more people like him as well. But why let age limit us? Why let age determine what we should and should not think and feel?

Irregardless, at the end of the day, it's simply just an opinion versus another.

Closing comments

To the audience at large, I extend my invitation. For those who have not watched this filme, I beg you not to let what you see, hear, touch, feel and smell limit what you can actually, well, see, hear, touch, feel and smell. Bask in the magic that is the human imagination, and ride "Up". It may just very well be the wildest ride you've ever taken. Watch it with an open mind, unbounded by the limits of reality, and I assure you that you will walk away with something. A sour taste for some, maybe, but a thing nonetheless.

I envy those who feel differently about the movie, really. Why didn't I feel that way? Why couldn't I? I honestly would like to go through what you went through throughout the movie, just to have a taste of what it's like. Understanding other perspectives, I'd say.

I do not want to provide any spoilers (you can go to wikipedia for that), but doing so will only succeed in doing injustice to the film itself. Short of being completely illiterate and devoid of emotion, you owe it to yourself to watch this film.